A Letter to My Boys for the New Year

Dear Gavin and Jacob,

I'm happy to report that it has been an altogether good year for our family! No big troubles or earth shattering happenings for the Clode/Bannister family this year, just a normal year of growth and living. This is just fine with your dad and me. You both continue to make us smile each day and wonder what we did right to have received such wonderful little people in our lives. It goes without saying that naughtiness and mom LOSING it on a semi-regular basis has also been a part of our year but we don't like to show off around here. We're all learning and growing together.

Let's see, this year our family has joined a church which we're still getting used to but seems to be a nice fit for now. It would be true to say that I'm the happiest about our little Sunday visits but you're both willing and I think, getting used to your classes. Gavin, you're learning about what it means to be a friend, share with others, and what to do when you feel sad. All good things. Jacob, you're also learning about some of these things but most importantly, you're slowly learning about the concept of justice and what it means to be treated fairly and equally in this world. Another good thing. I'm calling church a work in progress this year and hope that we can have more and more conversations about our thoughts on God and our responsibilities to our community( hard one) and ourselves ( also hard).

Sam Clode. Sam Clode was born this summer and what would we do without him? He is the most adorable and loved baby that ever was ( obvious exceptions being my kiddos OF COURSE). We are so happy to have a new cousin and I hope the new year brings us more times together, getting to know one another even better. Grandma and grandpa now have three wonderful grandsons and who knows, maybe a granddaughter in the mix soon? Keep hope alive grandma.

Christmas 2009 was a good 'ol time for you guys. We visited Papa and Nana in Kinston as we do most years for Christmas Eve and then were home late that night for Santa preparations. Santa preparations included leaving treats that Nana prepared by the fireplace with a note written by you, Jacob, telling him as much. We also left water because we were afraid the cats would drink the milk. You boys played lots with your cousin, Hannah, and enjoyed a full house of family on Christmas Eve with lots of yummy foods Nana made and presents, presents, presents and some more presents! Jacob, this year you received a DS from Papa and Nana, something you've been pleading for every year since you knew they existed. Dad and I were a little hesitant about it (mostly me) because you currently have so many good ways to entertain yourself ( ex: playing outside with friends, Legos, making stuff in the arts and crafts room) that we were worried you'd be reduced to a slug on the couch with your face pressed against a screen. I'm pleased to report that this is not the case and you've managed to keep it in check quite well. In fact, it sat on the fireplace for several days this week while you busied yourself otherwise. This is GOOD. This will likely not be the same story in a few years but goodness knows I'm not one to cross bridges..... :)

We didn't see grandma and grandpa this year but I'm hoping next Christmas we'll be able to include them in the holidays. They got you two fantastic Lego sets which you have both been playing with lots so far. Awesome gift! Gav, Papa and Nana also got you a cool kid scooter and a flame helmet so that you can be smooth and cool all summer long. Love that. What else? Oh yes! Santa has been placed on the suspicious list this year by you, Jacob. In fact, here it is January 6th and you're still pumping me for the real deal. I have been telling you this: Santa is a fun and magical person to think about, right? You'll work it out in your brain when you're ready. So, not sure how this is going but what else is a parent to do? I sometimes still think I hear little reindeer hooves on the roof just before I fall asleep on Christmas Eve. I hope you'll both hear them too each Christmas.

Gavin, you have been so, so enjoying your last year of preschool at Seedlings. You love being the big kid and you are, more so than any other year, coming home with little stories, songs in your brain, and thoughts to share about what you see, eat and do at Ms. Jana's. Your best friends are Tucker and Simon and if school could just be the three of you boys, the chickens, Ms. Jana and the cabin, you'd be golden. When you're not at preschool, you're doing your best to keep up with the older crowd here in the neighborhood. You tag along with Jacob with his friends and have been exposed to WAY more than Jacob ever was at this age. In fact, the funny little words for your anatomy that you and your brother bandy about endlessly these days is getting SOOOO out of control that I've started charging you both a quarter for offenses. This is working:) You are proud to be earning an allowance this new year for the first time. You take out the recycling and clear your plates from the table along with some regular old putting away. You did not miss the stubborn streak from my side so this continues to be a work in progress but we're getting there. You're full of funny things, Gav. Some of our favorites: " Come to papa!" "What's cookin' good lookin'?"while I'm making dinner and " Sweet Home Alabama and Ridin' in the cowboys!" when you let go a windy-pop. Nice. When you're especially pleased with what's happening you come out with " This is THE life!" Towards the end of the year we signed you up for a music class which you loved. You still dream of guitar lessons .... maybe this year we'll so something about that :) You have so many good questions these days about what's happening around you and why things are as they are, Gav. We're going hoarse trying to get them all answered but we love your little brain. And if anyone is missing anything around here, we are likely to come to you first because you seem to have an uncanny ability to locate items and remember information that the rest of us forget or never had. Hmmm, what will you do with this?????

Jakes, your year has been filled with third grade in Mrs. Sexton's class, playing with friends in the neighborhood, mountains of drawings and creations, Legos, cub scouts, and finally a pottery class through Chapel Hill Parks and Rec. You're not big on joining "classes" at this point so dad and I were surprized that you wanted to take the pottery class but so far, you've been loving it. You get to work in a real potter's studio with real equipment and in fact, have just begun to learn to use a potter's wheel this week. This is not an easy thing to learn but your creations looked good! We're so proud of you for staying positive and being patient with yourself. You call your pottery teacher a pirate because he has long dreads and a braided beard and what's not awesome about a teacher like that? You spend many long afternoons with your brother in the front room of our house drawing strong guys with muscle arms, monsters, "contraptions", and things that blow up. How many elaborate explanations have I sat through that included the words this guys shoots out of....? You are still a bit of a reluctant reader, although you are a good reader and seem to enjoy your books once you are made to sit still and read. You love a good story and are starting to notice that some of your current reads have simple plots. When I suggest that maybe you're ready to move on past Geronimo Stilton, you wave me away and tell me I'm interfering. *sigh* Of COURSE I'm interfering....

Along with all of the good things in our year, we've also been struggling with the eternal parent/child struggles at our home. Jacob, you and I have come head to head more this year. I don't like it but there it is all the same and we're both working to keep the lines of communication open. Gavin, you're asserting yourself LOUDLY this year and we are ALL working to keep our volume down and our voices calm. H-A-R-D. In anticipation of mom heading to nursing school this year, we're trying to guide you boys towards more independence. Jacob, you're working on getting ready in the mornings and evenings by yourself and Gavin, you're working on cutting down on the whinging and following instructions. Hmmm. You are both working on helping yourself to snacks, endless snacks. Jacob, you are learning to use the stove to cook cheese quesadillas and grilled cheese sandwiches. You're hesitant to do it ( afraid of burning yourself - you're a cautious guy) but proud once it's done. Before long, I expect you'll be making dinner once in a while and THAT is fine by me! Um, learn to clean it all up this year, okay? Thanks. Mom and dad are working on streamlining some of these things and staying faithful to some family rules. We're using transitional objects to help. For me, this means coffee in the morning ( get going!) and a small beverage in the evenings ( wait, come back!). This helps. Due to mom's headache issues, the evening beverage is often water in a wine glass but it seems to work just the same :)

I'm thinking that 2010 is going to be an even better year for us. Grandpa will be retiring and we're all looking forward to having grandma and grandpa in our lives a little more. Mom might be in nursing school and THAT ROCKS!! And you boys are going to be able to do more and more on your own. This is wonderful, all of it. We all have so much more to learn together but each day is a new opportunity to do it right. We need them all. When I think of your sweet faces I want to run and hug you both. I am so grateful for the time with you and the promise of more to come. Thank you for continuing to be patient with me. Please don't stop. Thank you Gavin for still giving beloved snuggles and hugs at five years old and Jacob for being my partner at night. I love brushing teeth together and reading in bed with Bingo.

Here are some pictures of the latter bit of 2009.

Hahahahahahahahaha!!! I love this one of Sam!
A visit in early December. That's a Tar Heel Santa hat friends!

Visit to Ganyard Hill Farms before Halloween.
Corn pit. Gavin lost his shoe ... really.
Hayride at Ganyard Farm.
Hot chocolate breaks were frequent in 2009. 2010 holds the same promise.
A friend of ours gave this moose mug to Gavin and he loves to use it for special drinks.
Mom had direction to carve the pumpkins this year. Not too shabby! But Gavin DID notice that the "a" in treat was all messed up. Curse that beginning literacy.
Leaf cookies for Thanksgiving. What's not pictured is right after this was taken, all tempers exploded and it was goodbye leaf cookies. *sigh*
Gavin after his first haircut place haircut. Hmmm....
Poor Gav decided his hair was too long and he took matters into his own hands. This picture also features a slightly reddened nose as days earlier he tried to transform himself into Rudolph... with a REALLY red marker. Poor Gav. When I sent this photo to Brad at work( after I calmed my freaked out self down) he sent back an image of Jim Carey in a certain movie ...
Gav made a pilgrim hat after we read a book about pilgrims at the first Thanksgiving. I tried to choose a "real deal" version of what happened but all he remembered was that pilgrims had cool hats. So here it is!!!!
Legos forever.
Um, where did the "help" go to? We're starving over here. Yes, that's our kitchen counter.
With Papa and Nana.
Four turkeys.
Note Jacob left for Santa above the treats and water on Christmas Eve. He wanted to be sure credit was given properly.
More Legos! Yay grandma and grandpa!
Santa left sleds. If this camera had a time on the photo it would have read around 5:30am. Jacob woke us all up at 4:30am. Awesome.
DS!
Gavin running away from home. I forget why now but I think he took some stuffed animal friends and he was busy asking me to pack him some snacks as I snapped away at him with the camera. He mentioned something about no one listening to him or something ...
No gingerbread cookies for you Saki. They'd go right through you and you know it.
This was our only Christmas baking this year and we had a lovely time. I'll go ahead and take credit for the one on the right.
Put-the-camera-away-mom.
I ran away and left Brad and the boys to make creations out of candy with a hot glue gun. They turned out SSSOOOO much better than I imagined they would, they had a blast, and I had NOTHING to do with it.

Jacob's artwork.
Building with dad.

Starting to decorate the tree. Lights untangled by Jacob, special ornaments unwrapped by Gavin, and hot chocolate and beer for all!!!! Hot chocolate for children.
Christmas with cousin Hannah, playing memory
It's not Christmas until .....

Big Fat Deal

Long overdue post on Gav's triumph over his training wheels. They came off and Gavin stayed on! Victory! He was particularity proud of this achievement, more so than other milestones and I'm not sure why. I suppose this one felt "big boy" to him more than, say, writing his name which makes ME all giggly as though he's the first boy to EVER do THAT. This mildly amuses him because now he can write Gavin (sometimes Gvain) and the word poop. And that's fun. Anyway, he's officially a two wheel bike rider now except that he's still needing starts now and then but I'm going to call his bluff soon and be "unavailable" to help out. It's all about the confidence baby.

Why We Live Here

When you want to play with your parachute, friends always show up. How wonderful is that? This pretty well makes up for the vinyl siding.

First Day of the Last Year

Catchy post title, huh? Gavin was off to his third and last year of preschool last week, new water bottle and lunch bag in tow. He's one of the big boys this year, a fact which brings both a sense of pride and confusion to his brain. He's all about being one of the oldest, for sure, but the size factor keeps coming up these days. Gav is a bit smaller than his cohort and, for that matter, some of the three year olds and this makes absolutely no sense AT ALL. Older mean bigger, right. It certainly should. Last week I told the boy that his mom and grandfather, both tall people, were very small as children and then shot up. I think my mom suggested I share this information thinking it would ease the frustration. I don't know if it did but he at least seemed mildly interested to hear it. As for me, I love that he's my little guy, all cute and snuggly. If he could read, he'd probably leave home over that last statement.

Jacob began third grade this week and so far so good. I'm not going to lie, he tried to talk me into an extended summer break ( as if 10-11 weeks wasn't extended enough) but we both knew that argument was going nowhere. He now likes his teacher and classmates and has the distinction next week of being the "celebrity of the Week", you know, line leader, teacher helper and such. The teacher has asked that he bring in things to help the class learn about who he is, a kind of get to know you activity. My teacher/mommy self would love for him to bring in his special nature collections, photographs, and art he's done over the summer. Would a classic favorite book be too much to ask? But my "get real" self knows that I'll be packing those #%!@* Bakugon creatures and Diary of a Whimpy Kid, the book kids love and parents tolerate because well, at least they're reading. That boy is determined to be his own person. Oh, no photo of Jacob's first day because I failed to take it out the door and visiting grandma saved him quite at the last minute from a camera weilding mom as he got off the bus. She was s0000 right.

Dancing with Daddy

Brad and Gavin dancing to the keyboard's casino version of "If You're Happy and You Know It" when Brad gets home from work. This picture captures the grand finale. The cat and dog were supposed to be back up dancers but contract negotiations fell through.

The Entire Summer in One Post

So, it's been a while. Like, the entire summer. I don't know quite how this long lapse happened. Maybe I got busy, really, really busy. But not really. Maybe we've spent EVERY WAKING MOMENT TOGETHER all summer( we had a lovely summer) and I deemed my time away as my own. Quite likely. But whatever the cause, I'm posting tonight our entire summer in one blog. I'm relying heavily on pictures, going with the old " a picture is worth a thousand words" philosophy. Suffice it to say, I will be brief and totally shallow so kids, hold on to your hats for our summer at a glance. And boys, please don't take this long absence to mean anything other than your mommy is inconsistent and erratic in her behavior. I loved you over the summer as much as I've always loved you; lots and lots. I try to use up all of my sanity and right minded thinking on raising you children, not blogging. Call it careful use of a limited resource. So, let's just go ahead and wipe the slate clean tonight with intentions to be a bit more faithful to this blog.

*note: the pictures look grainy for some reason - will figure this out, sorry.

Jacob turned 8! He had a sleep over party but since the weather wasn't cooperative, we moved it to the living room ( see below). His first sleep over party was a huge success, complete with junk food, party games, and many good friends. And of course, the homemade cake that mommy slaved over for hours. NOT!! Thank you Harris Teeter. Happy birthday my sweet boy. You have been keeping us jumping for eight years now and we're ready for another eight. But please remember that we're only getting older too so be nice.





Oh, and dad had a birthday in May too - the big 40. As is his custom, he took this birthday with all the grace and calm of a man too old to get worked up about such things anymore. We celebrated him with an apple tree which he and Gavin planted in the backyard. Since this time, some sort of critter has eaten the two little apples that were beginning to grow but dad is very pleased with his apple tree and it's promise of apples to come. Gavin was especially excited to help his dad plant, always our helper boy.



Grandpa came to visit for Jacob's birthday! We loved having grandpa here to help us celebrate and...

put up a new unit for our garage door! It now opens and we are very, very appreciative.Second grade came to a close. Here's Jacob coming off his bus on the last day of school. His first year riding the bus was a RAGING success. This boy loves to ride the school bus and I loved our little ritual of walking up to meet him and talking about his day as we walked back. "How was your day?" " Did you like your lunch?" " What did you and so and so do during recess?" The best part about it is that you were usually so busy talking that you never noticed I had grabbed hold of your hand half way down. So happily I would listen, holding your hand until we reached the house and you darted off to throw down your book bag and play the afternoon away.



Brad and Jacob spent the week together at Cub Scout Summer Camp. Brad taught archery and over the course of the week, Jacob got pretty good. Now, this sport makes me very, very nervous but I try to remember that I'm a nervous Nelly and that these sorts of things are "fun". But frankly all I could keep thinking about was the 1,001 ways it could all go wrong. Very, very wrong. It didn't and our big boy had a super time at camp. I can't remember what Gavin and I did during this time but I'm almost positive it involved lots of arts and crafts and a trip or two to the ice cream shop to make our time "special" as he likes to say. After all, those left behind must make their own fun and nothing is more fun than ice cream.

We made two visits to Uncle Coli's and Aunt Sharon's house in Charlotte. Uncle Coli is loved, loved, loved by you both. To date, your favorite thing to do at their house is to run and jump on the air matress while he pushes you down into fits of hysterical, bordering on psychotic laughter. Our second visit was my personal favorite because we got to meet your new cousin, baby Sam. Jacob and Gavin ( I know, I keep changing from addressing the kids directly to referring to them by their names. But since this is my blog, I can do whatever I want) were happy to visit their little cousin and at the same time a bit ambivilent as to what the future would hold for their relationship with their favorite uncle. During a visit to Papa and Nana's, Jacob shared with Nana that he was certain that Uncle Coli would forget all about him now that he has his own boy. Tear a hole in my soul why don't you boy. But sleep deprived and delirious Uncle Coli pulled it out and spent much of our visit coloring and playing Legos with the kids. Way to go Uncle Coli, you rock out loud!

You can see Aunt Sharon's belly poking out in the corner of this picture. We had no idea then that baby Sam would be so perfect and yummy. I can't wait for him to grow a bit bigger and join his cousins in the matress game. And ice cream eating.....


A wet and weary but happy Jacob. Leaves and other nature type goodies have been collected by the bag fulls by the brothers. Our garage is a compost heap.

And Gavin's summer? Practically a mirror image of Jacob's. Little man would NEVER admit to this but he loves and copies ( much to Jacob's displeasure) everything his older brother does. When Jacob draws, he draws. When Jacob plays Legos, Gavin is right behind him, usually left to forage for the discarded pieces. At the beginning of the summer, Jacob's little minion really irked him, following him to friends houses and copying his drawings. But now, he's quite at home having Gavin attached at the hip, even though he abuses this powerful position more than we'd like ( and OMG he drives us crazy with it!). Gavin is like a four year old caught in an eight year old's life. And he wouldn't have it any other way. So, preschool starts back up next week for Gav and he's really looking forward to it. We just hope that he can remember how to play with other four year olds.The summer has been a pretty old fashioned one full of trips to the pool, playing outside with neighborhood kids, drawing, playing with Legos, and lots and lots of brain crushing squabbling. Here's a moment of peaceful arts and crafting. Ahhhh, so lovely. And then SOMEONE took SOMEONE'S colored blue salt and all hell broke loose.



Here's a picture of the family being forced to smile during a Japanese style dinner one night. Another of my "Ooo, wouldn't THIS be fun!" ideas for our summer. Jacob was the most vocal: "Why can't we just eat at the table like everyone else?", but the others were mostly on board. We ended up having fun and even made it to British food night ( fish and chips, quite nice!) and I planned and bought for a Russian meal but never got around to making it. Cabbage intimidates me.

The drawing was out of control this summer. The kids probably did this more than any single activity which suited me just fine. They consulted with each other, shared stories about their pictures, and even took to drawing in the car. I can't say enough good things about the goodness of markers and paper; they saved the day, every day.

Above, Gavin drew pictures for my parents. The one at the top depicts them ( dad has silver hari says Gav) at their house with a couple of bikes in the garage. The one below it is also dad with two of their dogs and his computer ( on his face).



Ten-legged dog by Gav above and below is a Jacob creation with castle and bad guys and good guys jumping from parachutes and, and and, .....

This summer we acquired an eclectic guitar and a keyboard. So far, it's been REALLY LOUD. Jacob likes to pose with both items and make noise. Gav might well be our more serious musician and has been asking for guitar lessons. How do tiny, tiny hands fit onto a guitar, even a kids size one? My hope is that a friend of Gav's who is quite musically gifted with the piano will show him a few things and he'll get interested in that. I mean really, isn't piano so much easier? I don't think my plan will work.

We spent some time at the Eno River this summer getting very wet. Gavin discovered a special rock in the water he especially liked to sit on and Jacob tried REALLY, REALLY hard to catch a fish.

The Dinasour trail opened at The Museum of Life and Science this summer and we were first among their many eager visitors.




Many nights the boys would get ready for bed ( after the numerous threats and fights) and hang out in their room together doing "stuff". Stuff might include drawing, playing with action figures and the castle, looking at collection cards.... But inevitably, it ended with some sort of crazy squabble and some super tired and fried parents ordering children to bed. But, they always had fun while it lasted :)

The beach. We would go visit Papa and Nana and take a day to go to the beach. We found this cool spot in Atlantic beach which we loved and the kids would have fun collecting shells mostly and digging in the sand. Jacob loves to be in the water but Gav, being a bit more reserved, hangs by the edge watching his brother. During our beach excursions, Brad would have to hang back and work and we missed him. I'm hoping we can get one more trip in with the whole family before the weather turns.

Sweet baby Sam. We have a new cousin and he's the most adorable baby in the world, just ask his parents! We went for a visit to see him not long ago and the kids were mildly interested. After all, they had their awesome Uncle Coli there and everyone else is chicken liver in his presence. But I could have eaten that baby whole and still might. I am feeling so grateful to have him as part of our family and woo-hoo ... another boy to come and play with us!! Welcome to the family Sam. We love you already.


Jacob on the way to visit Sam for the first time. Interpret as you will.


We went to Papa and Nana's house in Kinston several times this summer. Papa's latest project is making his grass grow in spots where it doesn't want to anymore so the kids helped to transplant chunks of grass from the yard to bare spots. A tedious process but one Gavin was especially pleased to take part in. He's a good helper that boy.

I wish I could turn this picture properly but for some reason it won't. Our beloved old kitty, Lucy, passed away this summer. The kids were prepared as she was ill for some time but still, it's always hard when the time comes. They helped to dig her grave and find rocks to form an "L". We buried her next to her feline friend, Oliver, who has an "O" over his grave now. Jacob said that if we had two more cats who's names began with a "V" and an "E", ( and they died presumably), we could spell LOVE. Sometimes that boy is my heart. I'm really glad they could take part in saying goddbye to Lulu. She was a really sweet cat, one of our favorites. She also did a fine job as president of book club, right Brad?



Gav with the man he loves most in this world.

Tar Heel weiner.

I got bored this past week and painted our stairs red. I'm willing to bet they will be the one thing the kids remember about our little house when they are old and gray. " Remember those crazy #*!* red stairs we had in that house? What was wrong with her anyway?"

Brad put up a tree swing and that was usually where you could find the boys at any given time this summer.

Fish. We got fish. Why, you ask, when we already have too many alive things in the house wanting food and attention? Fish hardly eat anything and they don't care about you. I like the fish.

So, lots more went on this summer but I'm WAY too lazy and tired to think anymore about them. What was not pictured is the crazy day after day of just the three of us at home ALL SUMMER; the negotiating, bickering, time outs, and endless, endless preparation of snacks and meals. And did I mention the insanely frustrating application of sunblock day after sunny day? No. And that's because I'd like to try and forget those moments ( and there were aplenty) when we all got a little meaner and nuttier than we should have ( fine, mostly me). I think we did a spectacular job of being together all of the time for nearly three months and I will actually miss it... I think. Gavin starts his last year of preschool this week and Jacob begins third grade the following week. I'm going to miss our togetherness but in the words of Martha, it's a good thing.